50+ Best Funny Quotes Status Sayings in English

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Best Funny Quotes Status Sayings in English

Short Funny Quotes in English | Funny Quotes And Sayings | Funny Quotes About Life And Love | Very Short Funny Quotes About Life

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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 

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One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

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The answer you’re looking for is inside of you, but it’s wrong.

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I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

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I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

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The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

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Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

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Funny Quotes Status Sayings in EnglishI’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

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If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

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I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

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If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.

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Save water and shower together.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

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Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

50+ Best Heart Touching Feeling Alone Quotes Status in English

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There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

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I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

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Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together..

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The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

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Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

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Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.

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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

60 + Dream Inspirational Quotes Status in English

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All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

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I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

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I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.

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Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

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Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Top 50+ Success Quotes Sayings Message Status in English

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Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

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I am not lazy, I am on energy saving mode.

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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

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If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.

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The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

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Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday

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Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.

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Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

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Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one.

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Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you. 

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Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience.

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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

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I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone.  

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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Best 50+ Time Quotes Status in English

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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

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You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder..

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Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see. 

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